Belonging Doesn't Need Permission

I unironically bought merch

Ever since the beginning of my journey into game development, I have been told that I won't feel welcome here. Not that I'm not welcome here, but that I won't feel welcome because this industry is hostile to those who don't conform to a set of surface-level features. But I have never felt more at home at a professional industry event than I have at GDC.

I've sampled a lot of communities and industries over the years. It's what happens when you're the kind of person who is more than happy to quit when something isn't right and move towards the thing that could be right. For me, it has always been riskier to stay in a dead-end situation than to take the leap to change career path - which I did several times before I hit my thirties.

I know the feeling of being surrounded by people who are excited by something you can't imagine raising your heart rate for. I know what it's like being shocked that everyone isn't seriously planning their escape route because of how terrible things are or how meaningless the work is. And now I'm the one getting excitedly wide-eyed and feeling shocked that everyone isn't feverishly planning their route deeper in.

In a room full of other weirdos passionate about making games, how could I not feel welcome? I still can't believe that there aren't more people excited about devoting their time to turning strange concepts into toys for others to engage with. How could anyone be satisfied with just playing games instead of making them? Or just painting worlds rather than bringing them to explorable life? Or be satisfied with keeping their worlds trapped in words on a page instead of crafting the characters and watching as those words flow out of their tiny animated mouths? For me this is the pinnacle of creativity, combined with everything else that interests me, from logic-bound technical systems to obscure research and everything in between.

How could I not feel welcome?

Now, in the aftermath of GDC, I find myself asking a new question: Should I feel welcome?

Since the conference ended, all I have been seeing are posts and articles about the dire state of the industry and how this year's event was so much smaller, so much more deflated than previous years, that this industry has so many problems, so many issues, so many things wrong with it.

How dare I be excited? How dare I find joy in something that so many others seem to find so troubling?

And then I remember I've worked in enough industries and sampled many more to know that every single industry has its woes. Choosing a career isn't about finding that one unicorn industry that doesn't have any problems, but about choosing your struggles.

I choose games.

No deterrence has been a deterrence. I've known worse and still I choose games. All the problems and warnings only make it more attractive to me. You'll have to learn everything. Oh no heaven forbid. You'll have to work under pressure to short deadlines. Oh no please no, I've never preferred adrenaline over caffeine. The job market is unstable, most work is contract work or freelance work, you can never be sure where the next pay check will come from. Oh no, not like I've been preparing for and thriving in project-based work since I realised nothing in work or life will ever be safe or guaranteed.

I like projects, I like novelty, I like challenge. I like the rush of the unknown and uncertain. That's where I thrive, where I come alive. If that's what the industry threatens, then I hope it keeps its promise. I've experienced workplace stability and I have withered in its bland embrace. Now I take stability into my own hands because my life is my own responsibility.

Does any of that mean that there aren't any issues or that they can't be addressed? No, of course not. But the persistent narrative that things are so terrible and anyone hoping to get into the industry probably shouldn't, doesn't lead to change. It leads to self-doubt and uncertainty among those who might actually be a good fit for this kind of work.

It also gives the impression that this is a zero-sum game rather than a fluid, expansive realm where the pieces of the pie are not taken but made. There are no clear boundaries around this industry. Beyond pure development, people with vastly different multidisciplinary backgrounds, sometimes on the very cutting edge of technology, are finding ways to incorporate games into their work or even postgraduate research. And within games development, it's one of the few industries without any degree requirement or universal knowledge basis; In theory, anyone at any stage from any field can stand a chance. Talk after talk and award after award confirmed this.

There were the lads at Coal Supper who had nothing but an idea and a lot of jokes and yet made one of the funniest games in recent years. There were Slow Bros who, having never made a game before, were determined to use one of the most labour-intensive animation methods on a massive scale to bring to life a very specific vision. And there were Team Asobi, who decentralised genius by making sure all their developers created innovative, unrestrained prototypes that had a chance of making it into Astro Bot's world.

There were countless stories of studios that began as student groups: ambitious kids who couldn't get into the industry so they expanded the industry to include them anyway. Others couldn't get in with the bigwigs, so they created their own community of peers, all starting at a similar level yet all helping, guiding, and improving together until they became the next generation of bigwigs.

This industry is a scrappy mess made for those who are not only willing to create art but also to create their entire careers. You can get overwhelmed or you can get to work.

I am beyond grateful to have been given the opportunity to attend GDC for the first time this year to witness these stories. I found my inspiration, my ambition, and my creative home. No amount of rejection or hardship will take that away. If I'm not allowed in, then I'll carve my own way in. Belonging doesn't need permission.